Why Do I Always End Up in Bad Relationships?

Bad Relationships

Whether it was a friend or our own, we’ve seen bad relationships time after time. It’s almost paradoxical how this happens. You know when you see a friend in a horrible relationship where there’s more giving then receiving or even some who are in a terribly abusive one and you just can’t figure out why they won’t leave. You think, “at least get some help or something!”, but of course they don’t and they stay miserable, eventually break up or divorce.

Jack and Jill’s relationship…

Jack goes to work and gets yelled at by his boss. Jill works and takes care of the kids, yet Jack is always finding something else to get mad at. Finally, one day Jack comes home after a fight at work. Jill has dinner prepared and Jack goes into a tirade because the food wasn’t precisely the temperature he likes it. He also adds that Jill always overdoes the steamed vegetables and insists that she go learn to cook from his mother.

Jill now begins to stew on the fact that she’s given her all into this relationship. She has worked because Jack’s career isn’t making ends meet, she’s helped raise two wonderful kids, and still makes time to get her chores that Jack promises every week to do. She’s now furious and feels lost and alone. She says, “He’ll never appreciate all I do for him.”

I’ve seen many come into couples counseling/ marriage counseling and ask, “Why do I stay or go back into bad relationships?”

A healthy relationship has many properties, but one of the main characteristics is freedom.

When you’re in a relationship, there must be freedom to act, do, or feel. It’s when you can’t do or talk about certain things that begins to hinder the relationship. We’ve all seen or experienced feeling suffocated in a relationship. This is because the freedom is limited, now joy is depleting, thus you are now stuck in a stagnant relationship.

When I talk about being free, I don’t mean free in the sense of becoming promiscuous or taking up a hobby in drug paraphernalia. That would be a lustful freedom, not loving. An individual must feel free to talk about most subjects, and have a mutual agreement on most things.

Why don’t all couples want to be free?

Usually, it’s not the couple who chooses to live restrained, it’s an individual. Perhaps they have felt abandoned, misunderstood, or rejected. Now they are suffering by guarding themselves rather than talking to an individual counselor and dealing with the problems. This person will be in a downward spiral for the rest of their lives because they choose to live in shackles called “lies”, unless they seek the proper help.

Here’s a dead giveaway of a relationship in shackles: abnormally strict rules and “we don’t talk about that”. The strict rules keeps things from getting too exciting so nothing unexpected can happen. “We don’t talk about that” is just that. We don’t mention those things because it makes the other person uncomfortable, so we can never get it resolved.

Some prefer shackles over being alone. This is why we see so many people living in abusive relationships. They have been manipulated into believing that being alone will hurt more than the abusive relationship. What an absolute lie!

We all deserve to be happy, but only if we are willing to face the facts. It’s possible to have good, happy, healthy relationships. You just have to reach out to someone who will help.

If you or someone you know might be suffering in their relationship, contact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea or Marriage Counseling in Brea. 

If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!

What do you have to lose?

 

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.

Why Do I Always End Up in Bad Relationships?

Can addiction be treated?

Treatment for Addiction

One of the hardest things a person with an addiction must do is admit. Admitting to their problems, their faults, and most importantly, that they are addicted. Once this has been established, now they must get the appropriate help that’s required. You can find all sorts of different ways of getting help from personal therapy to group therapy.

Depending on your circumstances, what you’re addicted to and how long, will dictate what sort of treatment you need from the following:

Addiction classes

You can find classes that teach you about different substances. This knowledge can be a bit of a wake up call for the user as to see what will happen to them, their body, and their lives if they continue on their path. This could be more suitable for youth and those who have become addicted more recently.

Treatment Centers

Treatment centers for addiction may have an inpatient option where you can stay there. It’s like a hotel to get sober and relapse prevention. They tend to have 24 hour staff to meet your any needs. It all depends on how much, how long, and what level of addiction one may be at.

Group Therapy

These are you Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. This type of therapy tends not to have an inpatient option. Typically, you will have a group of people with similar addictions come into a room to learn and share their experiences in life and their addictions. This is quite an eye opener and comforting for those who choose to join it as you no longer feel like you’re the only one going through this alone.

One on One Addiction Counseling

This tends to be one of the best options. An addiction counselor will be trained to help you with what you need and how you need it. Our treatment for addiction takes into account the persons innate nature, character, and habits to give the counselee a “full treatment”. Different people have different triggers to relapse and we take those into consideration too.

If you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

Similar topics:

What is an addiction? | The fine line between addiction and habit | What are some signs of addiction? | Are there risks to addiction? | What could be the causes of addiction? | Can my addiction be diagnosed? | Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency | Can addiction be treated?

Can addiction be treated?

Can my addiction be diagnosed?

How can you diagnose addiction?

Continued from, “What could be the causes of addiction?”

Many times, to diagnose addiction, the addict will rarely come forward on their own. In most cases, a family member or a close friend will be the one to confront the addict. This is because the addict tends not to see what they do as a problem and almost always believe they can stop whenever they want. Here are some important steps one can take to diagnose addiction and finally treat the addiction.

1. See A Doctor

Once the said addict has been confronted, it is usually best to see a doctor to diagnose addiction as they can check the addicted persons vitals.

The doctor will ask many questions like how often they use a substance, if they feel ill, or if they think their addiction is a problem. This is an important step because if the person suffering addiction has exhausted their body from perhaps a substance, then the doctor/ physician will see to it that the addicted won’t get worse. Blood tests maybe necessary to check if any substance is still in their system.

Most addicts will tend to suffer from kidney failure, liver problems, malnutrition, or dehydration. If the doctor believes that there is a case for addiction, then they will suggest accordingly. Nicotine addiction can usually be diagnosed by a general practicing doctor, but more sever drugs will be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.

2. See a drug and alcohol abuse counselor

Once the addiction has been diagnosed, you will want to see the best drug and alcohol abuse counselor that you can. We suggest that you choose wisely as some drug and alcohol abuse counseling methods are put together as a “one size fits all” approach. This means that this type of addiction treatment will not take your inborn nature, mind, thoughts, beliefs, character, or life experiences into consideration. A more holistic approach that we use would be recommended over any other counseling that you’d find that use some sort of manual or book for you to go along with or free drug classes.

In some cases when the addiction is heavy or for a very long period of time, the addicted may have to see a psychiatrist. This is because an addicts mind or chemical balance may be so altered that quitting a substance cold turkey may be more dangerous. The diagnosis may be to put them on certain prescriptions to wean them off of the substance.

Please click if you would like to know more about Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency.

3. Join a group

Finding a drug and alcohol abuse counselor is necessary and some will find the added bonus of sharing and hearing stories very informative. That in itself has some healing benefits as the addicted will see that they truly aren’t alone with their addictions and will feel even feel refreshed after some sessions.

For those suffering from addiction to alcohol (alcoholism), please visit Alcoholics Anonymous to find local chapters near you to attend.

For those suffering from addiction to narcotics, please visit Narcotics Anonymous to find local chapters near you to attend.

For those affected by someone else’s addiction, lease visit Nar-Anon Family Groups to find local chapters near you to attend.

4. Join a Church

Many will scoff at this, but the true issue isn’t a substance problem; that is just the cause of a deep soul problem. An unhealthy soul will effect your mind and show in the body. Find a local church or contact us so we may help direct you.

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

The next section we’ll answer the question, “Addiction treatment”

Can my addiction be diagnosed?

Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency

Criteria for Drug Dependence

To diagnose addiction, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association, gives us some criteria.

Criteria for Substance Abuse

A pattern of substance use leading to significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one or more of the following during in the past 12 month period:

1. Failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, home such as repeated absences or poor work performance related to substance use; substance-related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household


2. Frequent use of substances in situation in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use)


3. Frequent legal problems (e.g. arrests, disorderly conduct) for substance abuse


4. Continued use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights)

Criteria for Substance Dependence

Dependence or significant impairment or distress, as manifested by 3 or more of the following during a 12 month period:

1. Tolerance or markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or desired effect or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance


2. Withdrawal symptoms or the use of certain substances to avoid withdrawal symptoms


3. Use of a substance in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended


4. persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use


5. Involvement in chronic behavior to obtain the substance, use the substance, or recover from its effects


6. Reduction or abandonment of social, occupational or recreational activities because of substance use


7. Use of substances even though there is a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance

 

 

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency

If the music's too loud, you're too old!

This morning as I was driving to work, a car pulled up next to me with music blaring. I looked over at the car and noticed all the windows were closed. If it was uncomfortable for me to hear this on the outside of that car, how uncomfortable was it for the person on the inside? You may argue this and say it’s personal preference, but let’s really examine this for a moment.

I remember when I was younger living by the motto, “If the music’s to loud, you’re too old.” I even recall getting upset many times because “MAX VOLUME” was just not loud enough for me. Being young seems to have it’s own set of rules; rebelling, exploring things in life, etc.

I’m not arguing that we all listen to our music at  volume level 2, nor am I saying that there aren’t certain songs, moments, or days that deserve some loud, even obnoxious volumes to come out of your car (as long as you are not so impaired to drive safely of course). So, maybe the better question is once you’ve passed your young rebellious phase in life, why is the music still so loud all the time?

Everyone I can think of listens to some sort of music.

Besides enjoying it, music itself has therapeutic qualities. You can be in a bad mood and a couple songs from your favorite genre(s) can lift your spirits or just plain make you smile again. There are even songs that are appropriate for certain moments. Do you remember listening to songs like “Love stinks” when you had a crush or went through a bad break up? It kind of helped for the moment, didn’t it? Those situations are fine and healthy for you. It’s when music has become your “out” to dealing with life’s problems.

I had gone through a phase in my life where music was basically my drug of choice. Sounds silly, but when you no longer deal with the crisis and resort to anything, be it drugs, food, or something as silly as music, you have just attempted a type of “escapism”. You’ll notice people looking for distractions to relieve themselves from life usually through some sort of entertainment or even a fantasy (Facebook anyone?).

Escaping for a little isn’t bad as one of my points in the article 3 Great Ways to Relieve Stress is to take a mini vacation, or in other words, escape. Again, the point here is not the music, not the volume, not even escaping. The issue is when and how much.

So here’s the real question: If you’re constantly listening to music at an very loud volume, what problem(s) or who’s voice are you really trying to escape?

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering, contact us now.

If the music's too loud, you're too old!

What could be the causes of addiction?

The Causes of addiction

Continued from our last article Are there risks to addiction?

Medical studies have shown how our brains react to different things. Different feelings result in different ways of dealing with matters. What we will concentrate on is how the brain reacts to pleasure. This will give us clues to the causes of addiction.

If you were to ask anyone which they’d prefer, pleasure or sorrow, you know the answer would be pleasure. Our brains always seek pleasure first, good over bad, and happy over sadness. Why wouldn’t it? After all, this is what aids a long, happy, and fulfilling life. Nobody can argue that, but can that be one of the causes of addiction? In a nutshell, yes. Since we will constantly seek pleasure, we can all be susceptible to addiction. The difference is how we manage pleasure and especially sorrow. This will make all the difference between the one who gets drunk once or twice verses the one who becomes an alcoholic.

Getting on your nerves

Believe it or not, “pleasure” is not just an emotion, but is the result of your nerve cells reacting to a substance in your body. Eventually these nerve cells can be altered depending on the frequency and dosage. The nerve cells can then become dependent on the substance and begins to crave more.

This begins the downward spiral for those who cannot manage sorrow well. They will struggle to fix this the least and will usually increase the dosage. This is why we highly recommend Anxiety/ Stress Counseling or Depression Counseling before you put yourself in this kind of risk.

As most addicts will tend to chase the feeling of pleasure that they would initially feel, they will tend to increase the dosage which leads to two conclusions. First, the increased dosage will no longer have the same effect and will actually begin to crave the substance just to feel normal. This is addiction. The second is death. Some may take such a high dosage that it will kill or paralyze them. It is a lose- lose situation. The causes of addiction are very dangerous and the longer one stays addicted, the worse an individual tends to become.

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

The next section we’ll answer the question, “How do you diagnose addiction?”

What could be the causes of addiction?

Are there risks to addiction?

What Are The Risk Factors For Addiction?

Just to clarify, a risk factor (or risks to addiction) is something that raises the chance of a person beginning or continuing a trend toward advancing or establishing a condition or disease. For example, many tests have shown that lung cancer is a risk factor for long term cigarette smokers.

Addiction has no regard for people. It could happen to anybody regardless of their status, age, or sex, but there are some instances that the chance of addiction can increase.

Temperament

Any person could try a substance, but certain temperaments are prone to addiction. Many times, counselors will treat their patients incorrectly just because they don’t know what their temperament is. This is why it is vital to have a temperament counselor help you.

Their are others who may not have the “addiction temperament”, but do have the temperament to give in to peer pressure. They will try to fit in and gain acceptance sometimes by any means necessary, thus end up becoming addicted. This applies especially to youth and teenagers.

The temperament who gives into peer pressure can also become addicted from loneliness. The lack of social activity in their life causes stress, thus the quick fix would be to numb themselves with drugs or alcohol.

The substance itself

Studies show that some substances have a much higher chance of bringing about risks to addiction. Some obvious ones are crack, heroin, and cocaine.

Hereditary and Family History

Think of the people in your family. Can you think of anyone who is an addict? Well, a child of an addict is 8 times more likely to develop an addiction. Many argue that the highest risks to addiction come from those who bond most with the addict. Children of alcoholics are 6 times more likely to develop problems with alcoholism. Some studies show that this can be passed down genetically. Studies have also shown similarities to cigarette smoking. Some may try smoking, yet never care for it, while others become addicted. The gene’s inherited have much to do with that as the response to the nerves vary between genes.

Age

Studies have shown that depending on what age the user was exposed to the substance will give a greater indication on its addiction. For example, some alcoholics may have been exposed to alcohol at a very young age, thus created a pattern early on in life to drink, and eventually becoming full on addicts. This is not all people and all cases, but it should still be noted that the risks to addiction is raised if one is exposed at an early age.

Family behavior

People from broken and divorced homes have the highest of risks to addiction. The imbalance especially of lacking a father in the home increases the risks dramatically. The disconnection of a parent to their child has become devastating to our nation and culture.

Gender

Most addicts are male and in the US, male drug addiction beats out women 2 to 1.

Stress

The persons temperament will tell us their stress threshold and what they will do to attempt to create balance in their lives. Some temperaments have a lower threshold and will most likely resort to anything to numb their minds. Some stress hormones have shown to be linked to alcoholism.

Body metabolism

Over time, the user will need higher doses to create the same effect they experienced when they first started using. This will eventually change the way the body metabolizes a substance and will begin to change the body’s chemistry. That will usually be the beginning of the addiction. The higher the frequency and dosage, the higher the risks to addiction.

Mental illness or special condition(s)

Those who suffer from clinical depression or any other similar illness have a higher chance of becoming addicted. Many times it will be because of doctor or psychiatrist prescribes drugs that may have the side effect of habit formation or addiction. Other times, the user will attempt to numb their depression or anxiety “self-medicating” without a professionals supervision. They tend to have a higher chance of becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol.

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

The next section we’ll deal with “What causes addiction?”

Are there risks to addiction?