5 Reasons why you're going to fail

In life we will go through many trials, but some people have a better way of handling it. In counseling I’m able to see them all and have begun to see a pattern of why some people will always be a failure.

Here are five:

1. The lacking planner

We’ve heard the saying, “Failing to plan is planning to fail”. That couldn’t be truer in some couples counseling sessions.

Many times I’ve asked couples what their goal in counseling is and they both give me a blank stare. It’s obvious that having a goal was never a goal.

2. The Articulate Critic

Have you ever experienced a person who was never happy? You know the one that always has an excuse or has an opinion about everything.

How about those that are impossible to please. You go to a restaurant, they order a burger, and give the waiter specific instructions on how to cook the meat (as if the cook has never done this). Of course, when they get their food, they’re disgusted and outraged on why they didn’t cook it right.

Well, I call this person the Articulate Critic. I have been criticized for my clothes and other facets. Why doesn’t it drive me crazy? Because they’re scared, so their defenses are on high. It’s a protecting mechanism, but more importantly, they have created a path out of counseling.

This critic will articulate everything that is horrible about you to avoid the real problem, themselves. Some will even stop coming to counseling because, “If the counselor was closer to my work”, “If the counselor was younger/ older so they can relate to me”, or “If the counselor wouldn’t wear that, I could take them more seriously”. Very articulate, but no substance to the argument.

3. The Hopeless romantic

“But we were made for each other.” “God put this person in my path because…” and we can go on forever.

I call these Hopeless Romantics because everything sounds like a movie quote or some novel. Here’s the issue with this; their sources are movies and novels, not real life!

4. The Webmd professor

I know we all go online to self (mis)diagnose and as we do that, we begin to learn new terms and definitions. Then we also like to take this (mis)information and pretend we’ve just magically bypassed any type of formal schooling because we’ve read the entire paragraph which makes us experts.

OK, you see the satire, but it doesn’t make it any less true. We’re all guilty of this and that becomes our folly. As great as these websites are, they’re in no way a formal diagnosis and can lead you down a worse path.

5. The Love Doctors groupie

There are some wonderful books out their about any subject under the sun. The only problem is that many books are like conversations that you walked in on. You don’t know how or why it started. Sure, you can get the gist of it, but many times, you miss an important point, and now your misunderstanding has given birth to a rumor.

I highly recommend reading books, but don’t forget most self-help books are written to a general audience, thus some important aspects may not be mentioned or may be completely ignored.

I hope you see that this isn’t meant to put people down, but rather educate you, the reader. Life can be intimidating and the key is to face the facts and prevent being a loser.

If you or someone you know might be suffering, contact us now so we can talk about our Individual Counseling in Brea or Couples Counseling in Brea . 

If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!

What do you have to lose?

 

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.

Individual Counseling and Couples Counseling located near Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

5 Reasons why you're going to fail

Affordable Counseling for College Students

College Students can now receive Affordable Counseling!

Finally Alive Counseling is happy to announce an affordable alternative to counseling for college students. You, as a college student, will receive the same help and care any of our other counselee’s receive at a discounted price.

If you are suffering with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, or anger, individual counseling is available for you!

If you are experiencing problems with your relationships, we’re also offering couples counseling for college students.

The care that you need is here and now, it’s affordable. You have no more excuses!

Current Schools added!
Counseling for Cal State Fullerton | Counseling for Fullerton College | Counseling for Mt. Sac | Counseling for Cal Poly Pomona | Counseling for Biola University | Counseling for Devry University

If you don’t see your school listed, please call us anyway.

Contact us now! (626)244-8113

Finally Alive Counseling Ministries in Brea, CA, 92821. Minutes away from Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

Remember, your first visit will be complimentary.

Affordable Counseling for College Students

Finally Alive Counseling will be at The Brea Wellness Festival 2014

Wellness Festival 2014

Finally Alive Counseling is pleased to announce that they will be attending the Wellness Festival in the beautiful city of Brea on September 27, 2014. They will be passing out information on our individual counseling and couples counseling/ marriage counseling services. Come by and say, “Hi!” They’ll be located at space 62.

<Shared from the Wellness Festival>

The City of Brea’s Wellness Festival

Wellness Festival

The City of Brea proudly presents the return of its Wellness Festival on Saturday, September 27 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Brea Community Center. The event will showcase a variety of specialties, free medical screenings, cutting edge fitness trends, alternative and holistic medicine, free massages, heart healthy food samples and a Zumba Jam at 2 p.m. Flu shots will also be available for $15.

Admission and parking for the event are FREE.

Wellness Festival Exclusives
Come to the Wellness Festival to purchase these sensational savings! Save up to 25% off on select fitness programs. From a 3-month fitness pass for only $60 to TRX, Boot Camp, massage and more. They’re only available for purchase at the Wellness Festival.

Click here to download and print your coupons.

 

Finally Alive Counseling will be at The Brea Wellness Festival 2014

Why Do I Always End Up in Bad Relationships?

Bad Relationships

Whether it was a friend or our own, we’ve seen bad relationships time after time. It’s almost paradoxical how this happens. You know when you see a friend in a horrible relationship where there’s more giving then receiving or even some who are in a terribly abusive one and you just can’t figure out why they won’t leave. You think, “at least get some help or something!”, but of course they don’t and they stay miserable, eventually break up or divorce.

Jack and Jill’s relationship…

Jack goes to work and gets yelled at by his boss. Jill works and takes care of the kids, yet Jack is always finding something else to get mad at. Finally, one day Jack comes home after a fight at work. Jill has dinner prepared and Jack goes into a tirade because the food wasn’t precisely the temperature he likes it. He also adds that Jill always overdoes the steamed vegetables and insists that she go learn to cook from his mother.

Jill now begins to stew on the fact that she’s given her all into this relationship. She has worked because Jack’s career isn’t making ends meet, she’s helped raise two wonderful kids, and still makes time to get her chores that Jack promises every week to do. She’s now furious and feels lost and alone. She says, “He’ll never appreciate all I do for him.”

I’ve seen many come into couples counseling/ marriage counseling and ask, “Why do I stay or go back into bad relationships?”

A healthy relationship has many properties, but one of the main characteristics is freedom.

When you’re in a relationship, there must be freedom to act, do, or feel. It’s when you can’t do or talk about certain things that begins to hinder the relationship. We’ve all seen or experienced feeling suffocated in a relationship. This is because the freedom is limited, now joy is depleting, thus you are now stuck in a stagnant relationship.

When I talk about being free, I don’t mean free in the sense of becoming promiscuous or taking up a hobby in drug paraphernalia. That would be a lustful freedom, not loving. An individual must feel free to talk about most subjects, and have a mutual agreement on most things.

Why don’t all couples want to be free?

Usually, it’s not the couple who chooses to live restrained, it’s an individual. Perhaps they have felt abandoned, misunderstood, or rejected. Now they are suffering by guarding themselves rather than talking to an individual counselor and dealing with the problems. This person will be in a downward spiral for the rest of their lives because they choose to live in shackles called “lies”, unless they seek the proper help.

Here’s a dead giveaway of a relationship in shackles: abnormally strict rules and “we don’t talk about that”. The strict rules keeps things from getting too exciting so nothing unexpected can happen. “We don’t talk about that” is just that. We don’t mention those things because it makes the other person uncomfortable, so we can never get it resolved.

Some prefer shackles over being alone. This is why we see so many people living in abusive relationships. They have been manipulated into believing that being alone will hurt more than the abusive relationship. What an absolute lie!

We all deserve to be happy, but only if we are willing to face the facts. It’s possible to have good, happy, healthy relationships. You just have to reach out to someone who will help.

If you or someone you know might be suffering in their relationship, contact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea or Marriage Counseling in Brea. 

If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!

What do you have to lose?

 

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.

Why Do I Always End Up in Bad Relationships?

Can addiction be treated?

Treatment for Addiction

One of the hardest things a person with an addiction must do is admit. Admitting to their problems, their faults, and most importantly, that they are addicted. Once this has been established, now they must get the appropriate help that’s required. You can find all sorts of different ways of getting help from personal therapy to group therapy.

Depending on your circumstances, what you’re addicted to and how long, will dictate what sort of treatment you need from the following:

Addiction classes

You can find classes that teach you about different substances. This knowledge can be a bit of a wake up call for the user as to see what will happen to them, their body, and their lives if they continue on their path. This could be more suitable for youth and those who have become addicted more recently.

Treatment Centers

Treatment centers for addiction may have an inpatient option where you can stay there. It’s like a hotel to get sober and relapse prevention. They tend to have 24 hour staff to meet your any needs. It all depends on how much, how long, and what level of addiction one may be at.

Group Therapy

These are you Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. This type of therapy tends not to have an inpatient option. Typically, you will have a group of people with similar addictions come into a room to learn and share their experiences in life and their addictions. This is quite an eye opener and comforting for those who choose to join it as you no longer feel like you’re the only one going through this alone.

One on One Addiction Counseling

This tends to be one of the best options. An addiction counselor will be trained to help you with what you need and how you need it. Our treatment for addiction takes into account the persons innate nature, character, and habits to give the counselee a “full treatment”. Different people have different triggers to relapse and we take those into consideration too.

If you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

Similar topics:

What is an addiction? | The fine line between addiction and habit | What are some signs of addiction? | Are there risks to addiction? | What could be the causes of addiction? | Can my addiction be diagnosed? | Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency | Can addiction be treated?

Can addiction be treated?

Can my addiction be diagnosed?

How can you diagnose addiction?

Continued from, “What could be the causes of addiction?”

Many times, to diagnose addiction, the addict will rarely come forward on their own. In most cases, a family member or a close friend will be the one to confront the addict. This is because the addict tends not to see what they do as a problem and almost always believe they can stop whenever they want. Here are some important steps one can take to diagnose addiction and finally treat the addiction.

1. See A Doctor

Once the said addict has been confronted, it is usually best to see a doctor to diagnose addiction as they can check the addicted persons vitals.

The doctor will ask many questions like how often they use a substance, if they feel ill, or if they think their addiction is a problem. This is an important step because if the person suffering addiction has exhausted their body from perhaps a substance, then the doctor/ physician will see to it that the addicted won’t get worse. Blood tests maybe necessary to check if any substance is still in their system.

Most addicts will tend to suffer from kidney failure, liver problems, malnutrition, or dehydration. If the doctor believes that there is a case for addiction, then they will suggest accordingly. Nicotine addiction can usually be diagnosed by a general practicing doctor, but more sever drugs will be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.

2. See a drug and alcohol abuse counselor

Once the addiction has been diagnosed, you will want to see the best drug and alcohol abuse counselor that you can. We suggest that you choose wisely as some drug and alcohol abuse counseling methods are put together as a “one size fits all” approach. This means that this type of addiction treatment will not take your inborn nature, mind, thoughts, beliefs, character, or life experiences into consideration. A more holistic approach that we use would be recommended over any other counseling that you’d find that use some sort of manual or book for you to go along with or free drug classes.

In some cases when the addiction is heavy or for a very long period of time, the addicted may have to see a psychiatrist. This is because an addicts mind or chemical balance may be so altered that quitting a substance cold turkey may be more dangerous. The diagnosis may be to put them on certain prescriptions to wean them off of the substance.

Please click if you would like to know more about Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency.

3. Join a group

Finding a drug and alcohol abuse counselor is necessary and some will find the added bonus of sharing and hearing stories very informative. That in itself has some healing benefits as the addicted will see that they truly aren’t alone with their addictions and will feel even feel refreshed after some sessions.

For those suffering from addiction to alcohol (alcoholism), please visit Alcoholics Anonymous to find local chapters near you to attend.

For those suffering from addiction to narcotics, please visit Narcotics Anonymous to find local chapters near you to attend.

For those affected by someone else’s addiction, lease visit Nar-Anon Family Groups to find local chapters near you to attend.

4. Join a Church

Many will scoff at this, but the true issue isn’t a substance problem; that is just the cause of a deep soul problem. An unhealthy soul will effect your mind and show in the body. Find a local church or contact us so we may help direct you.

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

The next section we’ll answer the question, “Addiction treatment”

Can my addiction be diagnosed?

Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency

Criteria for Drug Dependence

To diagnose addiction, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association, gives us some criteria.

Criteria for Substance Abuse

A pattern of substance use leading to significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one or more of the following during in the past 12 month period:

1. Failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, home such as repeated absences or poor work performance related to substance use; substance-related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household


2. Frequent use of substances in situation in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use)


3. Frequent legal problems (e.g. arrests, disorderly conduct) for substance abuse


4. Continued use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights)

Criteria for Substance Dependence

Dependence or significant impairment or distress, as manifested by 3 or more of the following during a 12 month period:

1. Tolerance or markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or desired effect or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance


2. Withdrawal symptoms or the use of certain substances to avoid withdrawal symptoms


3. Use of a substance in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended


4. persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use


5. Involvement in chronic behavior to obtain the substance, use the substance, or recover from its effects


6. Reduction or abandonment of social, occupational or recreational activities because of substance use


7. Use of substances even though there is a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance

 

 

If you feel like you or someone you know might be suffering from an addiction, contact us now so we can talk about our addiction counseling in Brea. Your first visit will be complimentary.

Criteria for Substance Abuse for Dependency